I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm grateful. I'm overwhelmed. I'm happy. But mostly, I'm relieved. The 15 month process of marketing and selling a home, taking up temporary residence, and building a new home has been one I don't want to repeat anytime soon.
For all the badness I've felt during this turbulent time, I think I've learned some important lessons as well. At the very least I hope my struggles can help someone else going through the same process, but I hope my "life lessons" will be inspirational for anyone in a difficult situation.
- Never forget what you DO have. When you are moving and 75% of your personal items are packed away it's easy to feel discouraged. I'll be very happy to have my own couch, family photos, and extensive kitchen supplies back, but living without them reminded me to appreciate people and moments over "things". We tried really hard to take a time out whenever we started to get too wrapped up in the process. My advice: just be present with each other and let that be enough.
- Trust your instincts. My husband stressed himself out over every single detail when we were picking out carpets, cabinets, tile, siding, etc for our new house. After the initial stress of choosing each item, he continued to worry about whether it was the right choice until it appeared in the house months later. In the end, things came together beautifully and he put himself under tons of unnecessary stress worrying. My advice: make a thoughtful decision, have confidence it's the right one, and move forward.
- If it doesn't seem right, it might not be. When our siding went up, it was not a good day. It did not look the way we expected from the samples. It wasn't "us". How could we have picked these colors?? My husband looked back at all of our records and was confident something was amiss. He contacted the designer, foreman, and saleswoman. Somehow an error had been made and an old color scheme had been ordered. It was an honest mistake, but wasn't what we chose. They quickly fixed it and everything was back on track. My advice: Don't be afraid to ask questions when things don't seem right.
- Channel your stress into something positive. Unlike my husband, I didn't really stress much about details. My stress was worrying about the "big picture." I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about what the moving process was putting our girls through and bad for myself that life was on hold. For awhile I let my stress impact me in really unhealthy ways - indulging in sneaky trips to Starbucks, eating unhealthy foods, being grumpy with my family, etc. Finally, I started taking my stress and laying it on the line each time I go for a jog. I tell myself I can't stop until I let go of the previous day's frustration. It's amazing how well it works. My advice: Find a positive outlet and use it on a regular, scheduled basis.
- Put it in perspective. It is a huge pain to move with little kids, only have a fraction of your belongings, live in less than ideal housing (too small or too crowded), and have an unclear endpoint to the whole process. But really, in the grand scheme of life and the world, these are pretty insignificant problems. Babies get cancer. Kids go to bed hungry. People are murdered for their beliefs. Natural disasters claim thousands of lives. Those are problems - what we dealt with were minor inconveniences. My advice: Whatever your struggle is, pick two or three things that are going well and focus on those instead. I used to repeat to myself, "We're healthy and we're together" whenever I was having a bad day and it kept me sane.
