Life Lessons...Building a House

It's almost over. Feeling stressed. Worrying if we made the right decisions. Being displaced. Finally, it's coming to an end. In just about a month we should be closing on our new house.

I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm grateful. I'm overwhelmed. I'm happy. But mostly, I'm relieved. The 15 month process of marketing and selling a home, taking up temporary residence, and building a new home has been one I don't want to repeat anytime soon.

For all the badness I've felt during this turbulent time, I think I've learned some important lessons as well. At the very least I hope my struggles can help someone else going through the same process, but I hope my "life lessons" will be inspirational for anyone in a difficult situation.

1. Never forget what you DO have. When you are moving and 75% of your personal items are packed away it's easy to feel discouraged. I'll be very happy to have my own couch, family photos, and extensive kitchen supplies back, but living without them reminded me to appreciate people and moments over "things". We tried really hard to take a time out whenever we started to get too wrapped up in the process. My advice: just be present with each other and let that be enough.
2. Trust your instincts. My husband stressed himself out over every single detail when we were picking out carpets, cabinets, tile, siding, etc for our new house. After the initial stress of choosing each item, he continued to worry about whether it was the right choice until it appeared in the house months later. In the end, things came together beautifully and he put himself under tons of unnecessary stress worrying. My advice: make a thoughtful decision, have confidence it's the right one, and move forward.
3. If it doesn't seem right, it might not be. When our siding went up, it was not a good day. It did not look the way we expected from the samples. It wasn't "us". How could we have picked these colors?? My husband looked back at all of our records and was confident something was amiss. He contacted the designer, foreman, and saleswoman. Somehow an error had been made and an old color scheme had been ordered. It was an honest mistake, but wasn't what we chose. They quickly fixed it and everything was back on track. My advice: Don't be afraid to ask questions when things don't seem right.
4. Channel your stress into something positive. Unlike my husband, I didn't really stress much about details. My stress was worrying about the "big picture." I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about what the moving process was putting our girls through and bad for myself that life was on hold. For awhile I let my stress impact me in really unhealthy ways - indulging in sneaky trips to Starbucks, eating unhealthy foods, being grumpy with my family, etc. Finally, I started taking my stress and laying it on the line each time I go for a jog. I tell myself I can't stop until I let go of the previous day's frustration. It's amazing how well it works. My advice: Find a positive outlet and use it on a regular, scheduled basis.
5. Put it in perspective. It is a huge pain to move with little kids, only have a fraction of your belongings, live in less than ideal housing (too small or too crowded), and have an unclear endpoint to the whole process. But really, in the grand scheme of life and the world, these are pretty insignificant problems. Babies get cancer. Kids go to bed hungry. People are murdered for their beliefs. Natural disasters claim thousands of lives. Those are problems - what we dealt with were minor inconveniences. My advice: Whatever your struggle is, pick two or three things that are going well and focus on those instead. I used to repeat to myself, "We're healthy and we're together" whenever I was having a bad day and it kept me sane.

2AM

This is my Saturday night.

It's 3AM. I'm 20 hours into my 24 hour call. I've been up for 22 hours straight already. It's been a "slow day" on the floor - only 10 discharges and 5 admissions. I just finished another bogus admission due to the ER refusing to discharge anyone because "if something bad happens when they leave, we're liable". I'm tired, but I need to check labs. I call the attending to run a few numbers and we decide to order more labs in the morning.

On my way out to write the orders, my pager goes off. This time it's not the ER, it's the code pager. Rapid response on the other side. I run to the room only to find that the patient is a surgery patient whose mom called a rapid response due to poor pain control. The mom is angry. She yells she wants to leave. No one is helping her child's pain. All I can do is make sure the patient is stable while surgery makes med recommendations. Over the phone. Without laying eyes on the patient.

In the middle of the rapid response, the other floor calls me. I need to talk to one of the nurses. I go to the other side. A mom is angry there too. She is angry we haven't diagnosed her child yet. She wants to go to another hospital. She doesn't like the answers I have given her, so she ignores my efforts and berates me. I'm usually calm, but I feel my anger rising. I explain that her expectations are unrealistic. She doesn't like it. I tell her I hope she gets to go somewhere else if that's what she wants. I know she won't. I leave the room angry, frustrated, and hurt.

I could be home. With a daughter who misses me and a husband who loves me. But I'm not. I tell myself I can help. I can make a difference. It's worth it. But, right now, I'm not so sure.