Why this summer matters to me

My baby starts kindergarten in the fall. All moms who have met this milestone know that it signifies something huge in the world of parenting. My girl has been in daycare since she was five months old, so it's not just about separation. It's about accepting that this beautiful, sweet, innocent, perfect - not perfect in the dictionary sense of the word, but perfect to me - little girl must be surrendered to "the outside." She will no longer be in the company of children and adults that we ultimately have the power to veto if we so choose. There will be teachers that we might not like - or might not like us. Tasks that may be difficult. Experiences that might be scary. Kids that may - or more likely will - bully. 

The day she was born - instantly in love

My fears about elementary school are deeply rooted in my own experiences. I was a fat kid. A smart fat kid. A smart fat kid who was nice to everyone and had strange fashion sense. I was teased relentlessly because of my weight and messy hair. Kids asked me in secret to help them with their homework, but laughed at me in front of others. I let their words get to me and each year my opinion of myself slipped a little lower.

Me: The awkward years made more awkward next to my sister in her "cute as a button" phase

It is this history that fills me with trepidation when I think of my daughter starting kindergarten. Each day the words I have have tried to pass on to her - you are smart, you are kind, you are beautiful in every way - risk being lost as the new people in her life pass on their own words. Instead of a gentle whisper in her ear at bedtime, I want my words to become a roar that echoes in her ears. My mom did her best to do this for me and it kept me afloat.

My princess on her 5th birthday pretending to be Olaf

That is why summer means so much to me this year. I don't want to waste a single opportunity to build her up so that she's harder to knock down. I want my daughter's days to be filled with so much love, happiness, and validation that she radiates confidence when she walks through that classroom door in September.