Planning a move...

I've been posting here on this blog for many, many years now. Sometimes I post often, other times months pass by between posts. Recently, I've been in a lull.

Then end of summer 2014 was a triumphant blur as we moved into our "dream house" and made it a home. It was too busy (in a happy way) to post much.

Fall 2014 was plagued by the misery of morning sickness like I've never experienced before. Yup, that's right. Baby number three is cooking and planned to make her debut in June. Weeks 6-14 felt like a non-stop hangover. It still amazes me that I didn't miss any work and my kids were fed every day. 

And this winter! This horrible, frigid, snowy winter. I don't want to go out, but I'm going crazy staying in. Any cabin fever I'm having is a thousand times worse in the girls. By the time they are settled at the end of the night, I'm too fatigued (in every sense of the word) to do anything but fall asleep.

Finally, it feels like there might be hope. The temperature is above 20 degrees this morning. My pregnancy symptoms are in a lull. The girls have reached an age where they can play together cooperatively for longer than two minutes. I have hope that good things are on the horizon.

As my family is about to begin our next phase - sustaining rather than growing - I've decided to start anew with blogging. No promises on content or frequency of posting. Hopefully just more fun, food, and mommy insights.

Hope you'll follow me to my "new home" and I'll see you there soon!

Second Child Syndrome

I know there are things we did the first time around that didn't happen for our second one. Poor bear doesn't have nearly as many baby pictures. Has no baby book. "Cried it out" earlier. Wears tons of hand-me-downs. Has always had to share our love and attention.

Of course there are good things about being second. Breast feeding was easier and lasted longer. We let her play more without hovering. She has a big sister to do everything with.

I like to think the good and bad balance most of the time. Sometimes it's obvious that it's just not though. Like this morning...

When bug was two we started the potty training process and it was A BIG DEAL. Bright pink Baby Bjorn potty chair. New big girl undies with Minnie Mouse on them. Princess pull-ups. The whole deal. We cheered and rewarded every success and stressed over every failure.

Flash forward to now and our bear. She isn't two yet. When we moved into the new house we happened to find the potty chair. Because we didn't want to have to look for it in a few months we haphazardly put it under the sink in the downstairs bathroom. It's been sitting there with no attention drawn to it. 

This morning I was trying to rush out of the house for gymnastics with bug when she decided she had to pee. Disgruntled, I dragged her into the bathroom. While we were in there I realized that the lonely (dusty) little pink potty was full of pee.

Without any prompting the bear had taken it upon herself to use the potty in the few minutes she was diaper-less between her morning change and getting dressed. And we had no idea. Amazing. And kind of sad.

Why I say, "I'm tired"

A few days ago I made a post resolving to stop saying, "I'm tired" as an excuse. I think recognizing the problem was all I needed. It doesn't mean I never skip out on a workout (like this morning...) or never say "no" to one of the girls' crazy requests, but I'm forcing myself to think about the real reason behind it.

That said, I still actually AM pretty tired by the end of the night even when it's a typical day without any extraordinary tasks. I was complaining to my husband about being so tired and that something must be wrong with me. He looked at me incredulously and went through my day pointing out everything we do to keep the family going. When we actually went through it, I'm impressed I'm not MORE tired.

Before I share my "to-do-list" from yesterday I want to add the disclaimer that I am NOT in any way implying that I am superwoman or any busier than any other mom out there today. I just think this is an interesting look at where many of us are at trying to balance motherhood, careers, school, maintaining a house, and tackling the complexities of nutrition.

Some notes about the list...

• I love iced coffee in the summer and have been using this recipe from Bon Appetit magazine to make an iced coffee concentrate. This method saves space in the fridge.
• Packing bug's lunch is like a really complex guessing game. I have to decide what food she might decide is acceptable to enter her stomach at the exact moment in time that she is sitting in the cafeteria. What she deems appropriate one day is not necessarily a winner the next day...
• Errands before work and during lunch have become the mainstay these days because it's too hard to drag the kids out in the small window between dinner and bedtime.
• Dinner last night was a roasted eggplant lasagna that I have made before and love. The girls refused to eat the eggplant this time so I gave in and made them spaghetti to toss with the ricotta/sauce mixture. I followed the recipe here from Peace, Love, and Low-carb. The meat sauce is amazing, but I was trying to save some time so I didn't make it. Instead, I used our favorite locally produced jarred marinara sauce.
• I like to utilize the delay start on my washer and wrinkle care cycle on my dryer to plan laundry around the girls' bedtime. If I put wash in when I get home on a one hour delay, it is usually finished right after dinner/dishes to switch to the dryer. I keep the dryer on the wrinkle setting so it keeps it from getting wrinkly if bedtime takes longer than usual or I get distracted starting another task and don't get to it right away.
• Homework has gone very well so far (it's only been two days...). We are using the kitchen table as our designated homework spot and I keep a bin of sharpened pencils and crayons/markers in the hall closet and bring them to the table for homework.
• The recipe I prepared for dinner tonight is based on the stuffed spaghetti squash recipe here from Closet Cooking. I made a lot of modifications. If it comes out well, I'll share the recipe soon.
• I'm not going to share the creamer recipes because they were not what I would consider a success. They are drinkable and add a pleasant fall flavor to coffee, but I really feel that the non-dairy milk alternatives created more of a flavoring than a creamer. They taste very "all natural" in a way that I am not entirely sure is desirable. I'm going to keep working on it...

Musings of a Five Year old (before 7 am)

This morning my monster children wonderful princesses were up around 6 am. This isn't really any earlier than usual, but it still doesn't make it my favorite time to get up. I had been up late last night catching up on laundry, making mini-muffin quiches for the bug's lunch, roasting eggplant, and putting together an eggplant lasagna to have for dinner tonight.

I obliged and rolled out of bed when bug asked for breakfast in typical dramatic five-year-old fashion - "Mommy! You have to get up! My tummy is so empty...listen, it's grumbling!" I trudged down the stairs carrying the baby bear and told them I would cook once I had a chance to go pee. As usual, this is never a private affair. The bug stood in the doorway urging me to go faster while the baby bear stood inches from me saying, "eww, poop!" and trying to shove toilet paper into the toilet behind me.

When the bear finished her job, she left the room. The bug continued to watch me as I washed my hands, but was quiet. Then, she tilted her head to one side contemplatively and said, "Why am I here?" I thought she meant in the bathroom watching me urinate and wanted to reply that I was wondering the same thing, but I took the good Mommy route and instead asked, "What do you mean?" And the answer I never saw coming was, "You know...why do I even exist?"

I really expected that she would be having this conversation in a dorm room over cheap vodka listening to Phish someday rather than at dawn while watching her mother pee, but I gave her the most honest and appropriate answer I could think of, "Because Mommy and Daddy wanted to have a baby, so we made you, and here you are."

But my ridiculous early morning pop quiz didn't end there. She thought about it for a few seconds and continued with, "How do babies even get out?" I believe in honesty when it comes to bodily functions so I told her, "Well, the baby can come out through the mommy's private parts or the doctor can make a cut in her belly and take the baby out." Again, she thought about it and with a mildly disgusted look on her face she declared, "When I have a baby, I definitely want it to come out my private parts," and walked away.

Her existential musings seemed to have ended as abruptly as they started and she went off to play with her sister while I went to the kitchen to cook breakfast (which they would go on to NOT eat, also typical). Alas, she had one more winner for me before the morning was up and came into the kitchen a few minutes later. Without introduction she said, "Well, I guess it's too late...I was really hoping I would be a twin," and walked away again.

Where do these things come from?!

I'm tired

A few days ago I was driving with my daughter and she asked if we could play tag outside when we got home. Similarly to most people over the age of ten, tag doesn't really excite me that much. Sighing, I replied, "Mommy's really tired, maybe we can do it later." She made an exasperated noise and said, "You're always tired! When will you not be so tired??"

I realized that saying, " I'm tired" is just filler for dead conversation or (in my case) an excuse.

An excuse not to get up and jog. An excuse to eat junk food. An excuse to avoid exercise. An excuse to be sluggish and lazy. An excuse not to cook a healthy dinner. An excuse to let my girls watch the I-pad longer than they should. An excuse to avoid household tasks. Excuses, excuses, excuses!

So I'm trying to eliminate this phrase from my vocabulary and stop making it so easy put things off. Because it's a lot harder to admit saying I'm tired means, "I'm lazy and don't care enough about my kid to indulge her crazy game of tag" than to say, "I'm tired and deserve a rest so I'll let her watch the I-pad instead."

Kindergarten Blues

Two days ago my daughter started kindergarten. Logically, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. She's been in daycare since she was a baby and went to a full time pre-K program last year. We encourage her to be independent and she's great at making friends. I loved school as a kid and want her to have an even better experience than I did.

Knowing this, I was still on the verge of tears all summer every time I thought about her starting kindergarten.

Well, the big day has come and gone. I shed a few tears walking away from her on the first day, but kept my composure by focusing on how happy and excited she was. I've felt such a strange mixture of sadness and grief, I've had a hard time processing it.

Tonight, I figured it out in a completely accidental way. I went out to get a coffee to keep me going for a night of crafts and baking. On the way home I elected to drive by our old house. As soon as I saw the familiar street sign, I felt a sickening drop in my stomach and wave of grief wash over me.

In that moment it hit me why kindergarten was such a difficult thing to understand. Just like our old house, my "baby" was a thing of the past. They both represent so many wonderful memories, warm feelings, and "I want to remember this forever" moments that are never going to be repeated. And because it was so meaningful, letting go hurts a bit. But just as I kept driving, looking ahead to our new house, I am ready to embrace the new life my girl is beginning. 

As a book lover I like to think of it not as the closure of one chapter, but the opening lines of another just waiting to be written...

September Post A Day

During my residency I tried to take on a "post a day" challenge and kind of...almost...not really at all succeeded. The issue isn't that I don't have things to say, recipes to share, or pictures to post. My problem is that I have a bit of an obsessive-compulsive personality and it takes me an ungodly amount of time to write each post. I write and revise so much that I sometimes lose track of what the inspiration behind the post even was and just delete it.

My goal in taking on this challenge is to post one picture each day (a recipe, a craft, a parenting moment, etc) and write a brief post - that I don't obsess over - to try and break my cycle of insanity.

Today was a very simple day. Time with my girls, errands, household chores. Nothing extraordinary. I took the picture above of my oldest daughter while we were playing together because it just felt like a moment I wanted to capture. There was something about the scene that made me want to cry. She is just a little girl in pigtails playing dress-up. But the intensity of her concentration represented her as a big kid ready for kindergarten. It felt like a big moment in parenting. A moment I both embrace with pride and turn away from with an acute sense of loss...

Forgive me

I need 5 minutes to rant because I just can't take it anymore. People need to stop comparing and competing their kids (and babies!!)

Every parent in the world thinks their kid is the cutest thing to ever appear on the planet earth. Every spit bubble, spaghetti face, and dance move is ADORABLE. In addition to being the cutest baby ever their baby is probably the earliest walker too. If not the earliest, definitely the most stable. Did I forget to mention that this same beautiful, master of balance also says more words at a year of age than any other kid in the history of the world?! And trust me, it doesn't stop there! Before the kid even knows how to use the potty (which they will do well before any other kid does), the parents are pretty sure they can tell their genius baby is presidential material from the way they shift in their sleep during conversations about politics.

Obviously I'm exaggerating (a little), but you all know what I am talking about. The problem isn't that parents think these things to themselves. Honestly, I think all parents should think their kid is the absolute best thing in the world. And they should post their pictures and videos with delight and vigor on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or whatever social media outlet appeals to them. The problem is when people are so obtuse that they forget that every other parent thinks their kid is awesome and the best too. This inevitably leads to the competition factor that is driving me INSANE.

Let's role play a scenario. Mama A was just at the playground with her son, little B. She took a photo of him on the swings and posts it to Facebook with the caption, "Mommy's cutie enjoying the sunshine! Aren't I lucky?" All her friends see the photo and agree! He's a cute baby. She's a lucky mom. Everyone feels warm, fuzzy, happy thoughts and moves on with their day.

Elsewhere on Facebook Mama C takes her daughter, little D, to the museum. She posts a video of D pointing at the mastodon exhibit saying something that might be mastodon with the caption, "I'm the luckiest mom in the whole world because I have the most beautiful AND the smartest baby girl ever!" All her friends see the video and get annoyed. If Mama C is the luckiest mom in the world and little D is the cutest and smartest that means that they lost the kid lottery and got stuck with a sub-par model. No parent wants to believe their kid is inferior so they start thinking about all the ways Mama C is wrong and how their kid is way better.

The vicious cycle continues as the kids get older. When the babies are little, the drama is just at the mama level. Snide comments looking at Facebook or talking on the phone to another mom or family member don't get through to the babies. But soon the kids are grade-schoolers, high schoolers, and college bound seniors who are so accustomed to their moms comparing them to cousin Bob or the neighbor's kid that they think in terms of comparisons too!

They start to have prejudices against the people that are "doing better" than they are. Family relationships and friendships are damaged as inferiority (or superiority) complexes push people apart. Entitlements creep up when kids ask their parents why they can't have what someone else has when they've always been told they are better than that person. And what I think is the worst outcome: these poor kids have no way of seeing their own unique intrinsic value outside how they measure up to someone else.

Is this really the message we want to send our kids?

I love my kids so much sometimes my chest literally feels like it will burst with happiness and pride. I want to build them up to be as proud of themselves as I am of them, but I want that pride to come from teaching them to be good people with admirable traits not from asserting that they are better than someone else.

Friday Five: Summer Family Friendly Activities

If you read my post about trying to make every second count this summer, you'll understand where this Friday Five is coming from. We're trying to save money with a larger mortgage and a big empty house in need of furniture looming in the immediate future, but want to make the most of our free time with the kids. Here are some fun ideas I've been brainstorming that cost very little...

1. Have a picnic - for breakfast! Picnics at the park for lunch and dinner BBQs with friends and family are expected during the summer, but the typical morning meal remains about the same year round. Honestly, this makes no sense to me because the morning is a PERFECT time for a summer picnic! The sun isn't as bright and in your face. The weather isn't as hot, humid, or unbearable. And, most kids are in a great mood after getting a full night of rest. You can trek to a park or just spread a blanket in your own yard. Serve easy to eat finger foods like "breakfast sandwiches" (nut or soy butter with fresh sliced strawberries), hard boiled eggs, slices of cheese and meat, fresh fruit (bananas, sliced apples, berries, or oranges), and raw veggie sticks (carrots, cucumber, raw zucchini, peppers). Bring along your own milk, juice, and coffee - never forget the coffee - and enjoy!
2. Go swimming! There are few things my children love more than splashing through water like madmen. I want to give them that joy as often as I can during the summer. From a parenting standpoint "swimming" or "going to the beach" sometimes sounds like a nightmare because of all the stuff it requires. It really doesn't have to take a ton of effort to get them to a body of water if you plan appropriately. Keep a swimming bag stocked at all times that contains a swim suit for each person, a towel for each person, sunscreen, and diapers (if applicable). You'll still need to get life jackets, snacks, etc but you're more than halfway there!
3. Start a Summer of '14 time capsule! This year is especially momentous for us because of our big move and my bug starting kindergarten in the fall, but I think this is a really fun idea for anyone. First, you'll need to get a shoe box - bonus fun, let your kids color and decorate it! Then, make a list of all the things your family plans to do for the summer (family parties, day trips, vacations, hikes) to put in the box. As your family goes on all of your adventures check off your completed activities and don't forget to add "pieces" of your summer to the box. Ideas: family pictures, "journal articles" about certain days, ticket stubs from concerts, movies, or amusement park admission, receipts from a fun meal out, scorecards from mini golf, and anything else that your kids want to add. At the end of the summer seal the box up tight and bury or store it until the date you choose - 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Your choice!
4. Make your own popsicles! First, you'll have to get a mold - we bought this one from Target for about $3, I have no idea why it's so expensive on amazon. I'm sure you can find about six dozen links on Pinterest to pop recipes, but it's much more fun to let the kids decide. Throw some combination of fruits, water, juice, milk, or yogurt, and, if needed, sweetener (maple syrup or honey to keep it natural) into the blender, pour into the molds, and see what happens! Surprisingly, my bug's decision to make watermelon, orange juice, and whole milk yogurt pops turned out delicious.
5. Have a Family Field Day! You can invite extended family and make this a big deal, or keep it as a small, silly family event. Big or small, the idea is to keep the adults and kids playing together. Let each family member create or choose (from a list you make) their own event with the goal being to have fun, not to win. Some event ideas: water balloon fight (make sure you pick up the balloon pieces afterwards so none of our furry friends eat them!), three legged races, sandcastle building, carnival style games, beach ball volleyball (or just keeping it in the air), and silly relay races (jumping, walking backwards, crab walking, etc). At the end of the events, you can have ribbons that you can award your kids for things like "great attitude" and "happiest player" or get more specific to the events you planned like "tallest sandcastle builder" and "silliest crabwalker". 

Happy Birthday Mom

My mom's birthday was actually last month. In the month prior to her birthday and the entire month after her birthday I've been trying to think of the perfect gift. In the past I've given her jewelry, photos of the girls, clothing, gift cards - all the usual "mom" gifts. And after living in her house for the past few months I could think of plenty of *stuff* to give her. But for some reason that really just doesn't feel like enough this year.

Why is it so hard? It's not something specific she did. Or something she said. Or really any one thing at all. It's that it just hit me. I'm a 31 year old woman living a parallel life to the one my mother must have lived 25 years ago. Sure, there are some obvious differences. I work out of the home, my mom babysat at home. My dad worked long hours and rarely helped with cooking or cleaning and left the majority of the parenting responsibilities to my mom. My husband neglects much (but not all) of the household work, but is 100% my full time partner in parenting. Money is slightly less of an issue for me than it was for my mom.

But if you throw out the details, the core of our everyday lives is too similar to ignore. Raising two little girls, trying to be a good wife, working hard, and going to bed exhausted. And the heartbreaking fact of it all - what I think has been keeping me up at night -  is that the vast majority of these earliest efforts at motherhood will go unremembered and without thanks.

Now that I am on the other side of the equation, I feel like the number of things I want to thank my mother for could fill volumes. The amount of gratitude I feel seems like it couldn't possibly be expressed through anything you'd find at the mall. So today I am presenting my mother with my genuine thanks for all those things she thought were forgotten.

To My Mom,

Thank you for getting up early, even when you wanted to sleep for two more hours.
Thank you for making me breakfast and talking me down from the edge when there wasn't any more of my favorite cereal left and I had to settle on something else.
Thank you for doing the laundry so I had clean clothes to wear every day. And thank you for biting your tongue when I put ridiculous outfits together.
Thank you for putting my toys away eight times a day as I left a trail of destruction behind me on my quest to have fun.
Thank you for listening with rapt attention to my long winded nursery school stories about nothing that I forgot the point of halfway through.
Thank you for not killing me when I threw a tantrum about nothing and wouldn't stop screaming for twenty minutes.
Thank you for grocery shopping with me and having to explain over and over again why we did need frozen vegetables and did not need frosted animal crackers.
Thank you for finding a way to make holidays magical even when you were tired, stressed, and couldn't really afford all the things you wanted me to have.
Thank you for spending hours decorating beautiful cakes for my birthday parties.
Thank you for making family vacations special. They might not have always been what you wanted, but were what we could afford and you made the best of it.
Thank you for playing silly games with me when you would rather have laid on the couch and gone to sleep.
Thank you for staying up all night when I was sick with painful ear infections.
Thank you for cooking me dinner every night, even when I told you it was gross and refused to eat it.
Thank you for reading me the same books over and over at bedtime even when you hated them.
Thank you for never getting a sound night's sleep because you were constantly on the alert for my nightmares, sleepwalking, and sleep talking.
Thank you for being willing to do it all over again so I could have a sister.

Thank you for all of this and so much more.

Let it Go

I can hardly believe this, but my bug's 5th birthday is just over a week away!! Which means right now is party planning crunch time! Things always become stressful around now because I get overenthusiastic and try to do too much. In addition to keeping up with the normal routine of being a full time pediatrician, raising two monsters beautiful children, preventing the destruction of my parents' house, stressing over the building of our new house, getting back to the gym (at last!), and feeding us all, squeezing in time to plan adorable goodie bags for 20+ kids with a quirky theme is challenging.

Obviously no one is holding a gun to my head to do anything. It's just that planning a party brings together theme-ing, crafting, decorating, food, and baking which are seriously some of my favorite things. I find it very hard to hold back sometimes because I get SO EXCITED when I find a fun idea. The problem with the internet and Pinterest is that I find too many fun ideas and then I get too busy and lose sight of what my goal really is - enjoying my hobbies and creating fun for my girls.

That is the inspiration for my post today - finding balance. I'm not going to throw it all out the window as some cheeky blogs are telling me I should. I think it's rude and judge-y to say what I'm doing is all fluff and doesn't matter just because it doesn't matter to you. Honestly, when you get right down to it, isn't that attitude really just more of the same? Instead of "I'm a better parent than you because I had a cupcake station at my kid's party", it's "I'm a better parent because I didn't have to make a cupcake station." For me, I'm letting go of the bad stuff and keeping the things that mean something to me. I hope I can inspire more overly stressed mamas out there to embrace what they love and let the rest go.

Today, I'm letting go of...

• Cooking myself into a frenzy
• Spending a fortune in time and money replicating every party blog detail just because I saw it when I don't love it
• Having to decorate everything! I'm focusing on my dessert table - because it's my favorite thing!
• Having too much to do the day of the party so I miss things
• Hating myself when I can't do it all - this applies to party planning, parenting, and LIFE

Love is an open door

The sentiment of this song is actually really sweet and not too sappy, but it's still not what REAL love is all about. I will say in Disney's defense that it might be difficult to make "I love you even when you smell like baby vomit" melodically appealing though. After 15+ years of dating, 7 years of marriage, 2 cats, and 2 children here is what I think love is really all about.

Love is being there. You might not be showered or wearing "real clothes". You might be older or heavier than you were when you first met. You might be suffering from mental, physical, or emotional stress that has altered how you even see yourself. But when you really love someone you are still there. Day in and day out. By their side. Wrinkles, graying hair, ill-fitting pants and all.

Love is laughing together. In your younger days the laughter might have been over a comedy at the movies or while sharing stories of childhood adventures. Now it's often over who changes the most poopy diapers (me, hands down) or the latest ridiculous thing the four year old said ("Your private parts are nice, mommy" on walking in on me getting out of the shower this morning...). The point is, keep smiling, laughing, and finding joy in things together.

Love is growing together. We are all always changing. For most of us the changes are slow, subtle, and happen so indistinctly that we don't realize we've even changed until we look back at where we were and see how far we've come. Truly loving someone means making this journey with them rather than away from them.

Love is messy. It's not a fairy tale that starts at a ball and ends with happily ever after. It's ups and downs. Love can fill you with such happiness that you feel like you are literally about to burst. And sometimes love feels like the smallest flicker of light in the pit of your stomach on the brink of snuffing out completely. Even on those darkest days true love is there, part of you, just waiting for you to take a deep breath and feed the flame.

Love is accepting yourself as someone worth loving. You can have SO MUCH love for your partner, but if you don't value the role you play in the love relationship things will never be as good as they could be. This most crucial point is where I personally have struggled the most (and still struggle at times). Put simply, love yourself so others can too!

So there you have it, Disney. Love is getting old and frumpy, changing poopy diapers, fighting the darkness within, and a whole lot of self-reflection. Good luck turning that into a musical ballad...

Weight Watchers and Real Food

For the record, I was awake for 10 whole minutes today before a kid woke up. I didn't even move, I just laid there listening to the silence. Somehow, the older one still sensed that I was awake. She shuffled into the room and I pulled back the covers for her without saying anything. Miraculously, she snuggled between daddy and I and WENT BACK TO SLEEP.

I enjoyed the snuggle for a few minutes before slipping out of bed to try for that forbidden peaceful cup of coffee again. Just as I was adding the milk I heard the baby yelling out for a "baba". She's 15 months old so I really need to wean her off of it...but today is not that day. Giving her a bottle bought me ten whole minutes of quiet. Sweet, blissful quiet with nothing to do other than sip my HOT coffee and read Pinterest. When she finished the bottle we just snuggled and were silly together for a half hour while everyone else slept. These are the moments we just don't get enough of. Today is going to be a good day.

Low natural lighting in the kitchen made these shots a little fuzzy, but I love them anyway

I thought I'd take a few minutes this morning to share some advice about following Weight Watchers and sticking to an unprocessed, real food diet. A little over a year ago I joined WW for the first time. As I had an exclusively breastfeeding newborn I was allotted 46 points plus per day. I have to be honest, between the diet and breastfeeding I was dropping weight like crazy even eating oreos and Dunkin Donuts wake-up wraps on a daily basis. I went from post-baby weight to pre-baby weight in about a month and from post-baby weight to my lowest adult weight since I was in college in less than 6 months.

Then, the seasons started to change and the stress of selling a house, building a house, the holidays, and moving set in. I wasn't get fresh food from the Farmer's Market. My Weight Watchers subscription was cancelled. I was not going to the gym. The baby was nursing less. I was eating more processed foods. Nearly every successfully lost pound crept back on.

A year after my initial success I decided to start back up again. As I no longer have gads of points each day I need to focus a lot more on choosing "good" foods. Foods that are high in nutrients, satisfying, and that I "feel good" about eating. Here are my tips on combining a typical lower point (26) Weight Watcher's plan with real food ideas:

1. Real the labels! A trap a lot people following WW fall into is buying everything low fat or fat free because the point calculation is lower. This is a horrible idea. To save yourself a few points you will be filling your body with chemicals, additives, and fillers. You can find *some* reduced fat products that are only made with real ingredients (most dairy products), but you need to be extremely discerning and real your labels.
2. Plan ahead. If you have kids, or a job, or both you need to have your meals planned out or you will find yourself struggling to stay on the plan. Check back later this week for some easy meal plans to get through the week days.
3. Always have fruits and veggies on hand. Making healthy foods available will make you much more likely to eat them. For busy times of the day, having your produce prepped ahead of time is key - cut melon, rinsed grapes, easy to peel clementines, bananas, rinsed salad greens, sliced peppers, celery sticks, cherry tomatoes. For calmer times I find having a fruit I need to "work on" for a snack makes it more satisfying - grapefruit, cherries, kiwi.
4. Care about the food, not the diet. If you spend your time thinking about how safe and whole the foods you are eating are instead of calculating points on all the foods you know you shouldn't have, you will naturally make good choices! If you read the ingredient label on that box of Cheez-its you won't care that you can get away with 1/2 a serving for 3 points. You'll realize there are so many things in there that you don't want in your body it will be easy to chose a tablespoon of fresh ground almond butter and banana slices instead.
5. Splurge for real. Instead of planning myself a mini splurge every day (one cookie, a handful of chocolate chips, etc) which just ended up reintroducing all the "bad stuff" back into my system I plan one real splurge on a high quality item - a good piece of dark chocolate (not Hershey kisses), a handmade baked good (not Dunkin Donuts), a chunk of good full fat cheese (never eat the fat free stuff!), a few slices of good quality bacon (not turkey bacon), etc. 

Happy Sunday and Happy Eating!

Baked Pancake Bites (WW friendly)

Weekends are not the same once you have kids. You don't get to sleep in. You don't get to wake up and gaze lovingly at your partner thinking about how great life is. You don't get to have a peaceful cup of coffee while you catch up on the news. You don't get to take a long, hot shower.

Nope, none of that. The reality of weekends with kids looks like this: You roll over at 6:15 and gaze at the clock amazed that no one has woken you up yet with nightmares, coughing fits, or vomit. You contemplate if you should stay in bed and try to catch a few more precious minutes of sleep or sneak out to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Before the 30 seconds it would take for your groggy brain to make that decision passes you hear..."Mommy? Mommy? Mooooooommy?!" You reluctantly get up and drag her into bed with you. You cling to the unrealistic hope that she might go back to sleep. After ten rounds of, "Is it morning yet?" You admit defeat and concede that it is indeed morning. Still fooling yourself, you think it might be possible to get up with kid number one and have a cup of coffee before kid number two wakes up. Just as the Keurig drips the last drop into your cup you hear it. Kid two is up because kid one is filling her crib with pillows to make a "fort"...

This scenario is pretty much what my house looks like every Saturday morning...sleepy parents trying (unsuccessfully) to match the insane enthusiasm of a preschooler and toddler excited at the prospect of a full two days at home with mommy and daddy. After playing along with whatever crazy scheme the nearly five year old comes up with for about thirty minutes it is inevitable that the following phrase will be uttered, "Mommy, I'm hungry!"

Anyone who routinely cooks for children knows that this is a dangerous time. Eggs might have been awesome yesterday, but today they will carpet the floor. The a
ct of pouring a bowl of Joe-Os might bring cheers whereas an hour long effort on stuffed French toast might be met with groans and wails of, "That's disgusting!" 

Today, I took a chance. My husband and older daughter have been into Nutella recently so I offered to make Nutella pancakes. They accepted the concept. The challenge was on.

Baked Pancake Bites with Nutella

As I usually do when I'm looking to try something new, I did a quick google search. I turned up this recipe for pancake balls and Nutella. I tweaked it and got to work. I had my doubts as the batter was very thin, but I persevered through the rest of the steps. 

As they were baking our kitchen was filled with a lovely sweet, spicy aroma. My daughter was enticed into the kitchen and started circling the oven waiting for them to come out. I held my breath as I popped them out of the pan and placed them on the table. To my surprise and delight everyone in the house loved them! My daughter even finished the leftovers for a snack later in the day and asked for more. I will definitely be making these again soon.

Added bonus, I played with the original recipe to make it healthier and these worked out to a very reasonable 1 point plus per muffin. I ate 5 mini muffins and a heaping serving of fruit salad for a very satisfying breakfast.

Ingredients

1 cup whole milk

1 egg

1 tbsp coconut oil, melted

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 cup all purpose, unbleached flour

2 tbsp baking powder

2 tbsp raw sugar

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 tbsp nutella

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 and use cooking spray (or paper liners) to coat wells of a 24 mini muffin tin.
2. In the bowl of a stand mixer combine milk, egg, coconut oil, and vanilla extract until well blended.
3. Whisk together all dry ingredients in a separate bowl.
4. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and blend very well (The batter will be thin!).
5. Pour the batter into the muffin wells (I poured the batter from a large measuring cup to make this step easier). You might have a little excess batter
6. Put the Nutella into a small ziploc baggie and snip the corner. Drizzle a small ribbon of chocolate into each muffin.
7. Bake for 12-15 minutes. 
8. Let cool slightly and enjoy!

*May be served with maple syrup for dipping, but totally unnecessary!

**Try these out with different fillings - jam, banana slices, fresh berries, bacon, sausage, etc!

Welcome 2014

2013 was a good year. There were many moments of stress and frustration, but many, many more moments of laughter, silliness, excitement, and joy. Here is my rundown of our past year...

• Our baby bear grew from a newborn to an infant to a monster toddler
• Our bug developed into an incredible, bright, insightful and stubborn "big kid"
• My sister joined the mommy club and we welcomed my sweet, sweet nephew to the family in September
• I ran my first 5K...and it was a mud run!
• I got to sate my love of party planning with a Brave 4th Birthday Party, a Dalmatian Baby Shower, and an "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie" 1st Birthday Party (still to be blogged...)
• We put our house on the market and lived in a strange state of limbo with open houses and showings for almost 6 months
• We moved...and moved...and moved! From our house, to an apartment, to my parent's house in just 3 months
• Neither of my kids like to sleep so I think I might have had a full, uninterrupted night of sleep half a dozen times (not exaggerating) in 2013
• We designed our new house and are anxiously awaiting the official start of construction
• We took a big family trip to Disney World (the HAPPIEST place on earth!) with my parents and in-laws. My brother and his family even got to meet us for a few days of the trip
• My practice secured a new office and went through the process of designing the newer, larger space - I finally will get my own private office and exam rooms that are all mine!
• We got to spend a lot of time with family at home and on the road (Florida, Cape Cod, Saranac Lake, Lake Sacandaga)
• My husband's gauge of a good year...we got to see Phish multiple times
• My husband and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary and a few days later the 15th anniversary of our first date 

What I learned most this past year is PATIENCE. Patience in selling our house. Patience in making progress on a new office, new schedule, and new salary. Patience in taking care of two kids with extremely different, but equally important needs. Patience in working through nightmares and fussy toddlers at 2am. Patience in balancing my roles as mommy, wife, sister, daughter, and doctor. Patience in remodeling my self image. The more I struggled to *make* things happen the more frustrated, stressed, and unhappy I found myself. 

I am hoping 2014 will find me learning from my mistakes, letting go of the things I can not change, and fully appreciating all of the awesomeness that already is a part of my life.

If you give a mom a blog...

...she's going to write about her kids and her crazy life.

It's now 9 am. I've been up for over three hours. That's the downside when the baby bear decides to sleep through the night; she wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30 am and is UP for the day. This morning was particularly fabulous because the bug heard me come in to get the baby and was up as well.

The first chore of the day is always nursing and changing the baby. Today I had to do everything with the bug thisclosetome because she was still tired. They were both in a good enough mood though, so I won't complain. I dumped out a bunch of blocks and they built towers while I made their beds and attempted to make myself a cup of coffee (I say attempted because it was at least an hour later before I drank any of it...). This only lasted for about 15 minutes until the bear started roaring for breakfast.

Around this time Daddy decided to make an appearance (I'm pretty sure he was awake listening to us and deciding how long he could use his i-phone and pretend to be asleep...). The next 40 minutes was spent trying to cook breakfast while simultaneously keeping something on the bear's highchair tray so she didn't LOSE HER MIND waiting for the scrambled eggs I was attempting to make. We went through at least a half dozen clementines, a handful of puffed rice cereal, two slices of baked ham, and a few small slices of organic multi-grain bread before the "real" breakfast made it to the table.

By the time I fixed my coffee (now on ice) and a poached egg for myself, the baby bear was LOSING HER MIND because she was bored with eating a little bit of everything in the kitchen and wanted OUT of the highchair. Daddy and the bug were sitting among the breakfast wreckage looking at pictures of ridiculous animals on the computer and the bug was laughing maniacally and declaring, "Show it to Mommy!" every ten seconds or so.

My breakfast view. Not pictured: bear throwing scrambled eggs into the air by the fistful to my left

Then we cleaned the kitchen (Daddy helped!) and I dressed the bear while the bug went upstairs to play. The bug is still in her jammies, but I'm not ready for that fight yet. Then, a miracle occurred. Both kids went into the playroom and are having fun WITHOUT crying or asking for anything! The bear is in her jumper and squealing delightedly at her sister while the bug is setting up all sorts of crazy make-believe scenarios. I know I am going to have a massive mess to clean later, but I do not care in the slightest. It's quiet and I am enjoying it!

And now I get to the point of this post and where the title came from. I'm planning to throw the bear an "If you give a mouse a cookie..." first birthday party. When I was browsing the internet looking for inspiration I found this silly and appropriate poem another blogger wrote called "If You Give A Mom A Muffin." I told my husband I was going to write "If You Give A Dad A Donut." And this is what we came up with...

If you give a dad a donut,

he'll sit down at the computer and eat it.

He won't notice the baby's stinky diaper,

or the four year old emptying mommy's purse,

or mommy trying to cook breakfast and do laundry and make the beds.

Instead, he'll find a thread about donuts on Reddit.

And chances are,

if he sees a thread about donuts,

he's going to eat another donut.

Crazy Times

A year ago at this time I was nearing the end of my second pregnancy and worrying how I was going to adjust to having a 3 1/2 year old and a newborn. I thought it was going to be really hard. The baby came and...it was easy! The transition was nearly flawless. I took on weight loss, complex meal planning, big baking projects, and an increased work load in the office. I patted myself on the back thinking I had this whole working mother thing mastered. 9 months later things are hard.

My four year old is tackling some delayed jealousy issues leading to unpleasant acting out against the baby and regression of her own maturity. Just the other day she unpacked her sister's bathing suit and hid it so the baby couldn't go swimming at my parent's house when they were baby-sitting. She refers to her sister as "the monster" and asks if someone else can watch her all the time. Many nights at dinner she asks to wear a bib and tries to get me to spoon feed her instead of the baby. She's also back to fighting bedtime every single night and gets up in the middle of the night and comes in our room. So that's fun. And the baby? She still wakes up overnight at least 5 out of 7 nights looking to nurse, puts EVERYTHING in her mouth, and will not sit still and play with a toy for more than 30 seconds.

On a personal front my weight loss plateaued with diet changes alone and I signed up for a 5K Mud Run to get myself back to the gym. With all the above going on, the only way I can get there is to get up in the wee hours of the morning (which shortens my already hit and miss slumber) or rush from work to squeeze in a workout. The latter inevitably means dinner will be late and the kids will be whiny and snacking the whole time I cook leading to less consumption of the actual dinner. Which brings me to food. I'm still making a valiant effort to shop local and cook real food. That endeavor is sucking up the majority of any "excess" time I have in the hour after the kids go to bed and the hour before I collapse. 

As if that wasn't enough, did I mention that my patient load at work exploded at the same time our medical record system was updated leading to my inability to finish my charting as quickly and at least an hour of screen time at night to finish my patient notes? Or that our house is still on the market (which is a "surprise" according to the real estate agent that convinced us we were going to sell in a matter of days...) which means I am constantly cleaning to keep things in order for showings. And the icing on the cake? The lot we want to build on becomes available in about two weeks and we will have to start working with them on the designs for our new home. 

Where does my husband fit into all of this? He's here doing his very best to be helpful. He keeps up with the yard work for the house showings and can follow simple instructions for dinner, but the vast majority of his time is spent baby wrangling and stressing out about selling the house/building a new house/moving.

In summary, there's a lot going on. I want to blog because I have many great recipes, party ideas, and parenting tips to share, but I am worn quite thin these days. I'm waiting for the next great shift in family/work/home responsibilities to give me some breathing room...

Mommy of 2!

Today I'm previewing a new "segment"  called "Mommy Tips" to try and stop myself from only posting recipes...we'll see how it goes!

I can not believe this, but my little bear is already three months old!  As much as we wanted to have another one, I have to be honest and say that reverting back to the newborn days was a little intimidating. I wasn't looking forward to getting back into a nursing schedule and being up every 3 hours or to changing diapers 24/7, but what I was really worried about was how the bug was going to adjust to the new baby. My bug is beautiful, wonderfully pleasant, and so smart you forget she's only three 75% of the time - the other 25% she is a stubborn, spoiled rotten tantrum machine. I feared the new baby would tip the scales and reverse the equation.

Three months later I'm pleased to report that the transition from a three to a four person household was MUCH easier than I expected. Thanks to a wonderfully mellow infant and some careful planning on our part, we slipped easily into a new routine. I can not understate how much the bear being a good baby helped this process, but here are the details my husband and I tweaked to keep things on track...

1. Celebrate the big brother/big sister - right away! Pack a special gift for your older child right into your hospital bag so you have something to give him/her when he/she comes to the hospital to visit the baby. For our bug we told her the gift was from her baby sister, but for an older child the gift could be from mommy and daddy. Our gift was a small backpack from Hobby Lobby personalized with a "Big Sister" iron-on and filled with a Disney princess baby doll, some craft activities, and a few edible treats (yogurt raisins, cheese crackers, and something chocolate).
2. Set aside alone time early on. When I say alone time, I really mean it - physically have the baby in a different room and devote all of your attention to the big brother/big sister to remind them that you are still there for them 100% too. We put the baby down for a nap in her swing in the living room and then made a fun dessert treat in the kitchen together while we listened to bug's favorite music. A few other times we did the same thing and had a "dance party" where daddy played music while the bug and I dressed up in her princess dress-up clothes and made up silly dances. *For the dessert I used a muffin tin and filled each hole with a different dip-able item (strawberries, pineapples, pretzel sticks, marshmallows, etc) and melted some chocolate chips for dipping.*
3. Involve the big sister/big brother in caring for the baby. Help the older siblings create a bond early on by giving out small tasks they can do to help you care for the baby. Asking the older sibling to bring you a diaper/wipes, pick out pajamas or clothes for the baby, sing the baby to sleep, or wash the baby's toes/tummy in the bathtub (avoid the eyes!) can help ease the transition.
4. Avoid saying you can't do something because of the baby. Let's be honest, there are going to be many times when your older child wants you to do something that you can't do because of the new baby. Even when it's something obvious like the baby is nursing so you can't make pancakes that second, it is going to sound much different to your child if you say, "Mommy would love to make you pancakes, but I need to be sitting down right now. Can you bring me the "If You Give a Pig a Pancake..." book? We can read that first, talk about what kind of pancakes you want, and then I'll be ready to make them!" instead of, "Mommy is feeding the baby, I can't right now," It takes a bit more effort, but is very worth it!
5. Give THEM alone time. Before you think I've lost it telling you to leave your baby alone with another child, hear me out. My kids are 3 1/2 years apart. They clearly need supervision, but I like to think of it as "indirect supervision." Not when the baby was a newborn, but now that she's a few months old I will put them in the crib together or let them lay on the carpet in their room together and pretend not to be paying attention while they play together. Sometimes I stay in the room and read a book, other times (like right now) I sit right outside the room so they can't see me, but all I have to do is move my head and I can see them. I try not to interrupt their play unless the bear starts to cry or the bug is about to do something potentially dangerous.
6. Arrange activities for the big brother/big sister. With all the visitors coming to see the baby, your older child may start to think they aren't important to everyone else anymore. Although you never want them to feel like you are trying to "get rid of them", it can be a great idea to set up little trips for the older siblings to remind them how special they are to other family members. A sleepover at grandma and grandpa's house, a trip to the mall with an older cousin, or a movie date with an aunt/uncle are all potential ideas.

I really hope these tips help someone out there!

Monster Mix

In my 33 month post I mentioned that bug's tantrums recently have centered around our denial of junk food. I found myself in one of these situations yesterday morning when I was attempting to get us out of the house. Bug spotted the jar of M&Ms and immediately asked for some. As I prepared to weather the storm that was sure to hit, an inspiration struck me. What if I could weave the perfect web of distraction, substitution, and entertainment that would get her to eat a healthier snack and avoid the tantrum that would delay our departure? From thus was born...Monster Mix!

Not taking the time to deny bug's candy request I eagerly asked her if she'd like a totally awesome, fun, cool snack that she had never had before?! But wait! It's so cool that it's a surprise! and she has to leave the kitchen because she can't see it! Wide eyed and beside herself with excitement she stood in the doorway asking, "Can I see it yet? Is it ready??" Quickly I filled a ziplock bag with a haphard assortment of pantry staples, gave the bag a shake, and presented her with her first ever bag of monster mix.

Want to make your very own monster mix? Just toss together 1/4 - 1/2 cup (or a small handful) of at least 4 different snacks and toss with a few "treat items". Ours included: pretzel sticks, mini wheat thins, whole grain goldfish, Cheerios, raisins, and a tablespoon of M&Ms. She was so excited about the assortment that she ate everything else and left more than half the M&Ms in the bag.

Mission accomplished!

She's Bananas!

My daughter has an issue. A food issue. Her favorite food changes on a constant basis. One day she smashes handfuls of the "flavor of the day" into her toothy little mouth and grins ear-to-ear. The next day, the very same food will be expelled the moment it touches her tongue and she will wail until something else is offered. As an avid food lover, this bothers me more than anything else I've yet encountered in motherhood. How can she get so much joy out of a food one day and absolutely despise it the next?!

Then, one glorious day, I thought I had broken the cycle. Not for two days, or three days, but for a whole WEEK she gobbled up bananas. She ate them on a mat, she ate them with a cat. She ate them here, she ate them there. She ate them EVERYWHERE. Thrilled, I went straight to Sam's Club and purchased a large stem of bananas. She might have eaten one of them before deciding she was wrong and she actually hates bananas too. She hates them so much she waves her hands wildly if they even touch the tray of her highchair until every last piece is out of her sight. Day after day I tried reintroducing them, but was met with the same manic squeal and flurry of hands and arms scattering banana bits across the kitchen each time.

Tired of scrubbing the floor, I decided the remainder of the bananas would meet a different fate. I had so many left still, I dedicated half to a loaf of banana bread and the other half to Banana Bundt cake from Baking: From My Home to Yours.

Oddly enough, the baby LOVES the banana bread.