How to be a good patient

After spending the last three weeks working only in our outpatient clinic, I've decided that the general public needs a little education on what pediatrician's schedules really look like and how not to make our lives miserable

• On average, your physician probably has 30 minutes to see your child for a "routine" well child visit
• The sick visit that you request for your child is likely slotted for 15 minutes (or less)
• There is no wiggle room in your doctor's schedule - in other words, appointments are booked at 9am, 9:15, 9:30, etc.
• Just because you booked your kids for back-to-back appointments does not mean you can arrive at the second allotted time and still be "on time"
  
• If you arrive at 9:15 for your 9am appointment, you've now made it so that your doctor is going to be late seeing every single other patient on his/her schedule
  
• On the flip side, if your doctor arrives to see you at 3pm for your 2:15pm appointment, it's not because he/she was sitting around eating fine chocolate and chatting about the latest episode of True Blood. It's most likely because some bozo arrived late for their visit
• It's poor etiquette to book a late visit (that your doctor is sitting around waiting for) and then NO SHOW
  

While I'm on the subject of ways to make your pediatrician less miserable, please don't call the after hours EMERGENCY phone service for any of the following reasons (unless you want your pediatrician to reconsider the merits of a job at Starbucks over administering any further medical care to such a thankless populace):

• Routine medication refills - if your kid is sleeping comfortably and not having any symptoms, you probably don't need me to call in a script at 10pm for an inhaler that you aren't going to pick up until the next day anyway
  
• To complain that the office was too busy to see your child when you called at 1pm wanting an appointment that afternoon during peak flu season.
  
• To inform me that you think your child may have broken a bone, but aren't going to go to the ER because your other kids are sleeping
• To ask my advice on what to do because your child pooped a lot after eating a bunch of junk food
• To ask me to have your child's medical records copied to send to a new office because you are moving in a few months

Lest I sound like a jerk poking fun at some of the more ridiculous situations I've encountered, I have to say that it takes very little to actually make me glad I chose medicine as a profession. Whenever a patient takes my advice to heart or sincerely says "thank you", it makes my day.