Musings of a Five Year old (before 7 am)

This morning my monster children wonderful princesses were up around 6 am. This isn't really any earlier than usual, but it still doesn't make it my favorite time to get up. I had been up late last night catching up on laundry, making mini-muffin quiches for the bug's lunch, roasting eggplant, and putting together an eggplant lasagna to have for dinner tonight.

I obliged and rolled out of bed when bug asked for breakfast in typical dramatic five-year-old fashion - "Mommy! You have to get up! My tummy is so empty...listen, it's grumbling!" I trudged down the stairs carrying the baby bear and told them I would cook once I had a chance to go pee. As usual, this is never a private affair. The bug stood in the doorway urging me to go faster while the baby bear stood inches from me saying, "eww, poop!" and trying to shove toilet paper into the toilet behind me.

When the bear finished her job, she left the room. The bug continued to watch me as I washed my hands, but was quiet. Then, she tilted her head to one side contemplatively and said, "Why am I here?" I thought she meant in the bathroom watching me urinate and wanted to reply that I was wondering the same thing, but I took the good Mommy route and instead asked, "What do you mean?" And the answer I never saw coming was, "You know...why do I even exist?"

I really expected that she would be having this conversation in a dorm room over cheap vodka listening to Phish someday rather than at dawn while watching her mother pee, but I gave her the most honest and appropriate answer I could think of, "Because Mommy and Daddy wanted to have a baby, so we made you, and here you are."

But my ridiculous early morning pop quiz didn't end there. She thought about it for a few seconds and continued with, "How do babies even get out?" I believe in honesty when it comes to bodily functions so I told her, "Well, the baby can come out through the mommy's private parts or the doctor can make a cut in her belly and take the baby out." Again, she thought about it and with a mildly disgusted look on her face she declared, "When I have a baby, I definitely want it to come out my private parts," and walked away.

Her existential musings seemed to have ended as abruptly as they started and she went off to play with her sister while I went to the kitchen to cook breakfast (which they would go on to NOT eat, also typical). Alas, she had one more winner for me before the morning was up and came into the kitchen a few minutes later. Without introduction she said, "Well, I guess it's too late...I was really hoping I would be a twin," and walked away again.

Where do these things come from?!